Wow, it has been a long time. Since I miscarried.
Well I am pregnant again with a girl. 16 weeks today. And this is alot harder than i thought that it would be. I had to come off alot of the medication that i was feeling really stable on. i am having intrusive thoughts all the time right now. it is something that i didn't every really get rid of in therapy but had a pretty good handle on.
now all these visions of being a horrible mother are haunting me. but that is what OCD does. it goes after your most cherished things and tries to tear them away from you- ruin the party- make you hide.
my hoarding things is back with a vengence... not that it was ever really gone. and i am finding that i am pushing away from my friends- becoming reclusive again.
my husband keeps pushing me to do more with the gals from work. my doctors are pushing me to exercise. neither of which i really have energy to do or the drive.
i keep getting hit with what i describe are waves of depression...seems everyone just wants to say oh that is just because you are pregnant. well that isn't a very helpful statement when i feel like crumbling on the inside.
but i am trying to keep positive - remember the things i learned in the OCDI.
just thought i would put all of that out there.
