Coming of Medication

I am two weeks into reducing my antidepressant   It isn't going well.  I don't know how I am going to be able to get through this honestly.

My depression and anxiety are worse.  I am having horrible intrusive thoughts.  About the baby having horrible withdrawl after she is born.  And that I won't be able to stay off medication to breastfeed which I desperately want to do.  I am worried about myself and of course the baby.  I don't want to become unhinged during my last 13.5 weeks of pregnancy.  I know how bad it is to be unmedicated.

There is so much more I wish I could articulate but it feels like a jumble of vines in my mind.

Idle hands and mind are OCD's play things

Well so it has been a little over a month since i was laid off from work.  I have fallen into a depressive slump, I consider myself a fairly social person and it is very hard for me to be home alone all day with no one to talk to.  Today was particularly bad.  I ended up sleeping most of the day to pass the time after I tried to watch day time television (which irritated me no end).  I am also 7 days away from the start of my third trimester of pregnancy.  This is the time that I have been fearing since the start of the pregnancy.  This is the time that I have to come off all of my psychiatric medications.  I am starting to come off my SSNRI (selective seratonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) which is an antidepressant and also works to control my OCD and the pseudoseizures (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures).  I am on the first step of coming of the medication and already my depression is worse and my intrusive thoughts are getting worse.  I spent almost all day in bed.  The worst possible place for me to get stuck.  

I don't have many friends in the area where I live and my closest family member is down in Boston.  I am struggling to get out of the house everyday and today was not successful.

Once I come off this SSNRI, the next thing to come off will be a benzodiazepine that I have been on for the past 4 years.  The "benzo" is used to help me sleep and to control my panic and anxiety attacks.  Coming off that is going to be a nightmare.  

After the benzodiazepine my sleep aid will be next.  It is a serotonin 2 antagonist/reuptake inhibitor.  

I know all of this is for the benefit of my baby girl.  But that doesn't mean it is going to be pleasant.

I thought that I had more to share but I guess not.