Going into inpatient treatment

"The time has come the walrus said to think of many things...."

So the time has come for me to check into my inpatient treatment center.  I go in monday morning November 21 at 9:00 am.  it has been an excruciating wait, full of a lot of pain, rituals and tears.  Now i feel myself full of aprehension, tension, anticipation, some relief and the intense urges to ritualize like i have done in the past.

I will write more about this later, i wanted to let people know that help is on the horizon and i am very close to it. 

one last thing to think on, and i was listening to my favorite artist Beyonce and her singing Scared of Lonely and it sums up alot of my none OCD fears...

if you haven't listened to it you should listen to it once because i hear alot of emotion in it an it speaks to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SzGKnRg4fs

Scared Of Lonely lyricsSongwriters: Butler, Richard; Daniels, Lashawn; Jerkins, Rodney; Johnson, Cristyle; Knowles, Beyonce; Knowles, Solange;
I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely

I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of be the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely


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