Be your own advocate.

Be your own advocate.

That is something that I learned the hard way at the beginning of my diagnosis.  It is something that is hard for many people to do and it is hard for many families to deal with the fact that their husband/wife/child/brother/sister has to find their own path for treatment.  And for alot people they don't knkow that this is what is coming for them.  I certainly didn't.  Back in 2009 I was in Brigham and Women's Hosptal Neurology ward for a number of days and was diagnosed with depressed (yep knew that one), generalized anxiety disorder (new), panic attacks (already knew that), anxiety attacks (already knew that) and OCD (new, but had a strong suspicion).  Then I was told that I would be getting a social worker to help me get mental illness treatment.  Well that person never came to my hospital room, or my home when I was discharged, or called my phone number that i had listed at the hospital.  I was completely on my own, with a diagnosis that i had now idea how to deal with other than what i had seen on TV.  My fiance and I agreed that it made sense that it was what I had going on, but we didn't know where or who to turn to to get help.  It was so overwhelming, I think I spent the first 3 days out of the hospital crying when no one was around and throwing up all the food I tried to keep down because my new medication was making me sick.  I tried to get help from ther therapist that i was seeing at the time and i use the title therapist with her lightly because when i told her i was diagnosed with OCD she just kept repeat the three letters over and over again as if playing with them in her mouth, finally she said i will have to talk to the department head because i don't know what that means.  I wanted to scream at her YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!! YOU ARE A MENTAL HEALTH CARE WORKER AND YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!!!!  well i did scream that to the phone after i told her to call me back once she figured something out.  That was the first step in being my own advocate reaching out for the first time to someone even though they didn't have the information they needed i made the first connection.

She called me back the next day and said that I should call McLean Hospital and that they should know more about "this OCD diagnosis".  So I called them and asked them for help, told them my sad story.....and low and behold they told me about the therapist i am currently using how to get in touch with them and where they were located.  All this for someone who was never their patient.  There are good people in the world, and they will help those who are helping them selves.  Again I was advocating for myself.  No one was holding my hand making the calls for me.  I had to do it on my own.  And when you are involved in setting up your own treatment I believe you try so much harder in it.  You have to want to do it for yourself, and understand that you need the help. 

We moved out of the Boston area, well not completely out of the area but far enough that i couldn't not have my treatment in Boston, so I started to work with this therapist that I found through McLean. And it has been almost 2 years since I have been working with him, and i sleep through the night without getting up and checking my locks 30 times a night, and I don't lock my car 25 times a night.  I still have contaimination issues but with each of these rituals they have been habituated through ERP therapy.

Every time I do an ERP I am my own advocate.  My husband can't do it for me. My support can't do it for me, although they are supportive and do some of them with me! But the bottom line is every time I don't lock the door, or touch the light switch or put something down symmetrically I am being my own advocate for leading a better life.

So be your own advocate, reach out.  Only you can change your life by find a doctor who can work with you, by getting into a support group (if that is your style), by doing your therapy, by taking your medication (if you are on any), by not being ashamed of yourself and getting help.

You are not alone in your OCD.  I am in the trenches with you every day. every moment.