feeling worse and worse and feeling like i am losing everything.

so i finally filled out my 50 page admission application for the intensive in patient treatment program i am trying to get into and the wait list after to you are accepted is 2.5months. 75days. if i do get accepted i feel like i should get a count down clock to the days to when i will be getting checked in.  in the mean time.  i feel like everything is falling apart around me.  i feel like i am destroying my husband.  i feel like living and being around me must be complete and utter torture i cry having to be around me i hate to think what it must be like for other people to be around me. i am struggling to make it to work everyday.  today it took me 4 hours to get to work.  i got up at 6 and got to work at 10 with only a 1 hr commute.  that is how desperate i have gotten.  i kept writing all over the application please help me i am coming apart at the seems.  please i am losing it.  i am not sure i am going to be in one piece by the time the middle of november rolls around.  i am trying so hard to work at my job and i am trying so hard to do my therapy and i am trying so hard to be a wife and a member of the household and take care of my animals.  and i can't do it all, and these days it seems like i can't do any of it.  and i feel worthless, less than worthless, worse than worthless, a burden.  i don't know how i got this way. i don't want to be this way. i can't live this way.  this isn't who i am, or who i want to be.  i don't go out.  i have almost stopped eating because i am so stressed out i don't even feel hungry, i am throwing myself at my work in the laboratory.  because if i stop for one second even a second i feel like i am going to completely lose it and just fall apart.  no one seems to understand it and i can't seem to explain it to anyone.  it just feels like mentally i am crumbling from the inside out.  i want to clean up the house but i can't it just isn't there, i just can't motivate myself to stand there and do it, i can't sit and watch a movie because i am distracted by something that isn't symmetrical in the house, or i have to check the rabbits, and i know that it makes my husband upset.  he has started hanging out in boston with friends on monday and wednesday nights and says it is becuase he likes hanging out with them and he is doing things that he enjoys doing and i am sure that is true but i also have to think that some of it is to get a break from being around me. and all my chaos, and all my nervous anxiety, and panic, and sadness.  i am finding it hard to figure out how i am useful still.