Reached out and got help.

So last night I reached out to my psychiatrist and got help.  This took the form of increasing one of the medications that I am on and it turns out that one of the migraine medications that I am on is also a mood stabilizer. He said it is a good things, so maybe it is a good thing.  The medication that he increased is supposed to help me calmed down and help with the compulsions and the nervousness.  I have been feeling so freaking nervous all the time and jumpy too. People walking past me from behind at work either in my cubicle or in the laboratory makes me jump out of my skin.  For a little while I was seriously considering driving myself to the state hospital and checking myself in going I am losing it and I can't be in charge of my self right now (not that I would ever hurt myself, I am not someone that enjoys pain on any particular level)  I am on the path of becoming "stable" again. I really hope that there is a day where stable could mean no pills, but at this rate I doubt it. 

So I talked to my doctor about the whole therapy dog thing.  He said yes yes get a dog it would be great for you!!! But NO! I won't sign a paper lining out your disability, I don't want you discriminated against.  I felt like saying, seriously you are the one that is discriminating against me already.  I said to him if i had a dog i could stay in my house on my home and not worry that some one was going to try to break  in and kill me, i could sleep in the house on my own (something that will not be achieved this evening, my husband won't be getting home until late) I would actually leave my house to go for a walk, or sit in a park, or read a book in a book store, or go to the movies, live my life..... could be time to find somone more supportive of my efforts.  Also the price for the dog is prohibitive.  However there are a number of people that have said that I could train the dog on my own, which is true I am 100% of a dog person. So who knows.

So heres to starting to "stabilize" and looking into german shephards that will fit my needs.